The Terror of Intimacy

I loved the suggestion in FLUX that, in order for each of us to move forward, we might need to leave certain things behind.

As a former foster child, the two burdens mentioned in the book that weighed me down most on my journey were:

• "Leaving behind the idea that you are either good or bad, a success or a failure -- because we're all a messy mix of both those things."

• "Leaving behind the safety of doing things alone -- because emotional intimacy requires vulnerability."

I'll never forget how terrified I was on my wedding day.

I had made it through foster care - through college - though graduate school. I'd traveled the journey from homeless teenager to full-time professional.

But nothing in my past had prepared me for the sheer horror of trusting my heart to someone.

It was the scariest risk I ever took. And the bravest and best decision that I ever made.

To be honest, I believe that the reason why I often felt inadequate when facing new challenges was that I didn't have a "how-to manual" to show me the way.

I'm so glad that we foster care alumni are lighting the way for one another today...

FLUX Helped Me Heal!

I am a forty-three year old alumna of kinship care.

When I was young, I always felt like an outcast as my grandparents stood among the parents of my peers. The fact that I lived with my grandparents always seemed like the big white elephant in the room between my friends and I; their subversive questions attempting to uncover the cause. Foster care was an unspoken phenomenon in my world; something of Dicken’s tales and cartoon worlds.

As a foster care professional of 16 years and a doctoral student, presently writing a dissertation on foster care issues, I have read a large amount of literature on foster care. None provide the information in such a grounded and realistic format by alumni for alumni as FLUX.

FLUX provides the first guidebook to foster care; a manual of sorts…something I only wish I had when I was younger. The individual accounts of the various foster care experiences written by different alumni really spoke to me personally. Each provided me, the opportunity to reach into the recesses of my mind, pull out the little girl that felt as if she were an outcast so long ago, and show her that she was not alone after all.

I thank the authors for providing such an immensely helpful resource and ultimate source of healing.

Emotional Transition From Foster Care to Adulthood

This postcard was made by someone in or from foster care as part of the FCAA Culture of Foster Care Postcard Project.

Flux (n.) continuous change, passage or movement

Ever wished someone should have been there to tell you what to do? Or given you a flashlight… so you can find you way through the dark? Wished someone truly understood your pain, and silent victories?

YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE… FLUX was written for YOU.

Flux is the honest, useful, juicy "how to" guide on what it really means to become an adult after growing up in the system.

Real life advice, and stories written by over 100 adult alumni of foster care who have walked in your shoes, and lived the same journey …

Let's be real -- and talk about:

• How to be a parent when your parents were the system
• How to build true intimacy when you’ve experienced broken trust
• Where to look for a support network now that you’re on your own
• How to be the you that you want to be!

So grab a box of tissues and popcorn and laugh and cry your way through the whole book! We shared our hearts, our lives, and clues we’ve picked up so far about how to find a good life.

How to Be A Parent When Your Parent Was A System

Postcard created by someone in or from foster care, as part of FCAA's Culture of Foster Care PostCard Project.

I grew up in just about all aspects of the system. Starting with Kinship care, then facilities, group homes and foster homes. I think the happiest times were when I was with my grandparents.

One of the things I knew at a young age is that I didn't want to turn out like my parents. My Father is a drug addict who spent most of my life in prison, and my mom -- well she tried hard but never really got a grasp on how to be a parent.

Now I am pregnant with my first child. I want my baby to have a better life than I did and for months now I have been afraid that even though I want so much for him, I will find myself following in my parents footsteps. All parents want more for their children than what they had, but that want didn't do much for my siblings and me. I feared that somehow my genes will keep me from being a good parent.

Then I read FLUX. The chapter on how to be a good parent really helped calm my fears. It was a comfort to me knowing that I was not the only one who has been consumed with these thoughts. This paticular chapter of the book has helped me so much. Becoming a parent is a wonderful but really scary experence. I feel more comfortable with myself after reading the book and would recomend it to anyone who is having the same concerns and feelings I have.

Welcome to Our Online Book Discussion

FLUX: Life After Foster Care was written to support young people during the emotional transition from foster care to adulthood.

Who knows the emotional journey from foster care to adulthood better than former foster care youth?

FLUX explores:

• Personal experiences of over a 100 foster care alumni
• Emotional transition from foster care to adulthood
• Discovering and rediscovering our identities
• Creating and recreating support systems
• Navigating relationships with our biological family members
• Risking and exploring intimacy
• Discovering how to be a good parent